Throughout my personal growth journey and career as a coach, I’ve always worked with other coaches. I’ve made large, terrifying investments in their guidance and experienced life-changing and genuinely transformative results. I attribute much of my growth and success to the work I’ve done with these coaches and mentors.

So, when I was ready to start the year by scaling my coaching business and launching new programs, I knew it was time to invest again in a mentor who could guide me through this exciting phase of growth. 

In the past, I’ve met almost all of my coaches through events they’ve led/hosted that I attended while traveling and living abroad, or through referrals within my network. My curiosity and intuition have always been my guiding compasses when choosing new coaches to work with, and I know to trust myself when I feel drawn to someone and their offerings. This year, I approached the process similarly but under very different personal circumstances.

Here’s The Full Story

I was recovering from an intense grieving period and ready to refocus on my business after a much-needed healing time. In this vulnerable state, I reconnected with a friend and coach I’d met during my travels last year. Her newsletters about her new program seemed to speak directly to my needs and desires for growing my business. The combination of her approach, apparent coaching expertise, and our personal connection felt reassuring. 

So, I scheduled a consultation call where I vulnerably shared the state I was recovering from and my excitement to get re-energized and reinspired with my business. She asked me to walk through my goals and share my vision for my business growth, and as I shared each goal and desired area of growth—from understanding and addressing the root of deep blocks to the new program I envisioned birthing—she nodded and assured me, “Yep, I can help you with that.”

Her confidence and apparent understanding of my needs were reassuring, and our personal connection made me feel she could be trusted. Based on my past positive experiences with coaches, I took this as a sign to go for it. I decided to go all in, pay in full, and invest in myself for this next stage in my personal and business growth. I couldn’t wait to have extra support and guidance backing this next season of my life. 

Looking back, I realize how much I overlooked in that moment of decision. Yet at the time, I had no idea the wake-up call that was to come from this experience…

Our first session went great; it was structured and aligned with what I had signed up for. Finishing up, I knew what was expected of me in the week ahead.

The second session was fine, but I left the call unsure of what I needed to tackle next. As a coach who takes detailed notes for my clients and provides detailed action items, I was alarmed and confused to leave the second session with this lack of clarity about what was expected of me.

The third session is when my alarm bells started to go off. I realized that there was no structure, no notes, and the session went in a strange direction toward something I wasn’t trying to achieve or wanted to focus on. As a certified coach, it didn’t feel like an effective coaching session.

I knew I needed to speak up because, only three sessions in, this program was not what I expected. The thought of speaking up made me anxious, but I gathered up the courage to share my concerns on our next call. I told her about my unease and apprehension that the program was not what I expected, and that her coaching process wasn’t feeling aligned for me. Her first response? A straight-faced, “I don’t do refunds.”

 My jaw dropped. 

This was supposed to be a professional relationship built on trust, mutual respect, and feeling heard and supported. Instead, I felt like I’d just been dismissed by someone who cared more about keeping my money in her pocket than understanding how I was feeling. 

That’s when it took a turn for me. My core values as a coach were completely at odds with the person I was working with, and my trust had been damaged. While she tried to adjust her process to support me, I found myself in the position of instructing her on the coaching process – creating a plan and structure for my goals, taking notes in our sessions, and providing me detailed action items after each coaching session. I felt like I was creating the program.

I had entered the coaching process with high hopes and excitement, but it felt as though my energy and hopefulness had been sucked right out of me. It did not feel aligned, and I did not feel supported. I knew I needed to exit.

I requested a call and mentioned that I needed to withdraw from the container. The response I received was defensive and a bit aggressive; she again insisted she “doesn’t do refunds” and made some other comments about my decision, which made me feel uncomfortable, uneasy, and utterly stunned.

While wanting to hit EXIT to the Zoom call, I kept calm and reiterated that, at this point, the container was not aligned for me based on my core ethics and values as a coach (ultimately, I had lost trust, and I didn’t feel supported). Given that it was only one month into a six-month program, I felt it was fair to request a partial refund. The coach then pointed at my face on the call and, in a condescending tone, asked for a “very detailed email” about the partial refund, stating that she would get back to me within 30 days.

I was floored.

This was not only based on how I had been treated but also because the coach and I operate within the same professional space—a space meant to be one of support and integrity. It was especially disorienting since this was someone I had also known as a recent friend.

The resolution?

After I sent a detailed follow-up, expressing my hope to resolve the matter peacefully without resorting to contacting my credit card company, she agreed to a small refund of my investment, calling it a ‘gesture of goodwill.’ I decided to save my energy and take the lessons forward.

This painful experience became a powerful wake-up call.

Here’s what it taught me as a coach:

• To review my own coaching contracts and policies to ensure they prioritize the client experience. Effective coaching relationships are built on a foundation of trust, mutual respect, and transparency.
• To ensure my clients feel empowered to voice their needs, or any concerns throughout the process. Clients should never feel trapped, unheard, or dismissed when voicing concerns.
• A reminder to uphold the International Coaching Federation’s (ICF) definition of coaching. ICF defines coaching as “partnering with clients in a thought-provoking and creative process that inspires them to maximize their personal and professional potential.” For a client to maximize their potential, the partnership needs to feel safe and supportive.
• To reconnect with my ‘why’ as a coach. I reflected deeply on my identity as a coach and the core reasons I was drawn to this work—empowering others to create meaningful change, ensuring clients feel heard, valued, and supported, and facilitating deep transformation.

All of this reinvigorated my commitment to upholding deep integrity in the coaching space. I’m not a perfect coach, but I deeply care and aim to continuously grow to be the best embodiment of this role that I can be.

I would never want one of my clients to experience this, and I don’t want this to happen to you.

Here are my tips and learnings for how to best vet out a coach:

1. Identify potential coaches

Begin by creating a list of coaches you’re drawn to based on their expertise, content, and reputation. This could include someone you’ve followed and admired for years.

Some signs a coach may resonate for you:

• Your curiosity draws you to learn more about their approach 
• Their content or philosophy may resonate deeply with you
• You feel inspired by their insights and what they share
• You feel heard and understood by their content
• You sense alignment with their values and coaching approach
• You feel energized thinking about working with them
• Their background or story resonates with you or inspires your journey

Without personal referrals, you can also use platforms like Instagram, Google, and LinkedIn to search for coaches. However, be aware that excellent marketing and high follower counts don’t always indicate a good fit. These ‘blind’ options (those discovered without a personal connection or recommendation) will require extra vetting.

2. Do thorough research on the coach (coaches) of interest

Once you have a shortlist, dive deeper into each coach’s background, qualifications, experience, and personal journey. Explore their website, social media profiles, and overall online presence.

Look out for:

• Relevant experience and expertise in your area of interest/growth
• Their ‘why’ – the driving force behind their decision to start coaching
• Lived experiences that fuel their passion for this work
• Certifications or educational background
• Demonstrated results and client testimonials (see next tip)

Remember: While certifications and formal education are extremely valuable, they aren’t the only indicators of a great coach. It’s crucial to be thorough in your research to ensure that coaches have a solid foundation of knowledge and aren’t simply self-proclaimed coaches without experience or training.

Beware of potential red flags such as unrealistic promises or guarantees, or a lack of clear information about their methods and approach. Be cautious of coaches making claims like ‘guaranteed 6 figures in 3 months’ or ‘proven formula to transform your life in just 30 days.’ These are warning signs.

3. Read testimonials and references from past clients, and speak with other clients who have direct experience working with the coach

Review testimonials on the coach’s website and online profiles. If you want further confidence beyond testimonials, you can also request to connect with previous clients. A great way to gain insight into the coach and their program is to speak directly with those who have experienced it. Doing this due diligence will help you make an informed decision and avoid any unwelcome surprises down the line. 

Remember, a credible coach should be open to providing references upon request.

4. Ensure to ask detailed questions about the program structure and what it entails.

Ask detailed questions about the coaching program’s structure and components. Some coaches use a more open-ended session structure, while others follow a more structured approach. It’s important to know what approach is best for you and your goals. A coach should be able to provide a clear breakdown of their program, including:

• Session frequency and duration
• Coaching program structure/phases
• Coaching approach/style
• Methods, tools, and resources 
• Accountability measures
• Expected outcomes

Ideally, ask these questions during a consultation or follow-up call. This allows you to assess not just the content of their responses, but also their:

• Body language
• Energy
• Professionalism

 Pay attention to the thoughtfulness of their responses – this can indicate their level of professionalism and commitment to their clients.

5. Connect with your intuition and trust your inner guidance to make your decision.

This is a decision for you, and an investment in yourself. Others’ advice can be helpful but don’t let outside noise cloud your judgment! Before making decisions on coaches, I take time to sit with my intuition and check on how aligned I feel with the coach, their program, and the growth it offers. My recent experience taught me the importance of not rushing into a decision based solely on marketing emails and the coach being a friend without adequate research.

Some steps to follow:

• Take time to reflect on your alignment with the coach, their program, and the potential for growth.
• Tune into your intuition and gut feelings
• Consider how the coach’s approach resonates with your personal goals and values.

Finally, be sure to carefully review all contractual agreements before committing. Understand the terms, policies, and any clauses regarding refunds or early termination. If needed, ask any clarifying questions.

While it’s important to be cautious, don’t let fear prevent you from signing up with a coach altogether. My experiences with other coaches have been transformative, and I plan to work with more in the future. Strive for a balance between thorough research and intuitive wisdom to guide your best investment in yourself.

SUMMING IT UP:

Coaching is an unregulated industry that continues to evolve, but the International Coaching Federation (ICF) certifies coaches globally and has established a standard of ethics that offers some regulation. Unfortunately, there are self-proclaimed coaches who are not certified under any framework, taking advantage of vulnerable people seeking guidance and support. This is deeply disheartening to me as another professional in the space.

However, I constantly remind myself of my ‘why’ and what inspired my journey to guide and support others. I also stay open as I grow and evolve in my identity as a coach. There are many coaches with genuine intentions and amazing gifts to share with others, facilitating beautiful change and transformation in the world.

Don’t hold back from investing in yourself and your desired growth. Ensure you do so carefully and vet potential coaches wisely. If you need extra guidance in this process, please don’t hesitate to reach out.